Shaykh Hamza Yusuf once shared with us in class that people always ask him about spiritual experiences and how to live them. We were speaking in the context of ethics and living an ethical life. He said that if we live how we are supposed to, then you can recognize that life is one big spiritual experience.
I've thought about this anecdote in different ways over the years. Lately though, I've been thinking about it through the perspective of my own eyes. What is my spiritual experience? Ethics and morals are important things to live by. They guide us and ensure that we live according to a higher standard. As a Muslim, I believe this standard is established by Allah, extending to various aspects of life such as eating and drinking, family, business, leisure, and the like. But what happens when something disrupts this?
Growing up, my father would occasionally (okay, usually) tell me that I should know better. My parents did their best to instill the standard into their children so they do not do wrong. They hoped and prayed that we learn from others and not our mistakes. Although some, like yours truly, fell did err a bit growing up. At one point though, parents need to let us live our lives. I am now 35 years old and have seven years of schooling. I would like to think I was raised well. I have never been arrested. I do not drink or do drugs. I have never even had a girlfriend until I met my wife. But I still slip. So then what is the problem?
In the midst of writing this essay, I have to come realize that the sin problem lies in between those bigger moments of life. Once after theology class in Zaytuna College, I asked Shaykh Faraz Khan about sin and knowledge. In Islam, knowledge is meant to transform as long as one puts it in practice by doing righteous actions. In this case, it means not doing something black-hearted. This is in an ideal case. At the same time, I am more of a realist. So, I asked Shaykh Faraz about the reality of what we talked about in class. He responded, “That's the point!” Ideals are there to guide our day-to-day. We need to keep chipping away at the self to reach a good place so we are not overtaken by those black-hearted actions.
The worldly life, dunyā (low-hanging fruit just out of reach) in Arabic, is what life here on earth is called. We are tested with moments that will throw us off. How we respond to these moments builds character and growth. So, when it comes to sin, one should go back to what they know. Practicing restraint with what you know makes persistence. This is how knowledge transforms. As I get older, I realize that what I do in the small moments affects my relationship with Allah and what comes along with it. It is no wonder that the Prophet Muhammad said that Allah loves the small actions done consistently. How do we fill our day with the small moments? social media? YouTube? Netflix? TikTok? What exactly are we consuming and how is it affecting us?
The effect of sin is strange. There is a hadīth where the Prophet Muhammad said that when a person sins, a black speck appears on the heart. Eventually, they can become black-hearted. This perplexes me. Once upon a time ago, sin gave me an intense anxiety. For what felt like a long time, I did not make the connection between action and the effect of that action. It was not until my environment changed where things improved. On a spiritual level, sin does stop blessings from coming. It is like filling a clean cup of water with dirt. How much can you see through a dirty cup? Sin brings a negativity that can only be experienced and not found in a book or lecture. Many times, it is our nafs, the inner ego, or as I like to explain it, the terrible two year old who lives deep inside us, that can dilute that experience and convince us of something else. That is for a different paper.
Seeking Allah’s forgiveness cleans the heart. Strengthening the connection with Allah undoes a knotted heart, giving it a sense of sobriety. The amazing thing is that no one has to be a super Muslim or shaykh al-Islam to gain closeness to Allah. Just as black-hearted actions dirty our hearts, the actions that bring light to our hearts, cleanse it and strengthen the connection to Allah. Islam becomes something that you can really make yours through the journey of forgiveness and redemption. We can experience a version of what the Companions of the Prophet went through. I have learned that the best thing to do is always say astaghfiru-Lah, I seek Allah's forgiveness, when things are amazing and you are religiously spot on or somewhere dark and sin occupies your life. With the knowledge we pick up, we can be guided and get to a good place. Life will be a spiritual experience Shaykh Hamza was talking about. May Allah forgive us all.