Allah tasketh not a soul beyond its scope. For it (is only) that which it hath earned, and against it (only) that which it hath deserved. Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or miss the mark! Our Lord! Lay not on us such a burden as thou didst lay on those before us! Our Lord! Impose not on us that which we have not the strength to bear! Pardon us, absolve us and have mercy on us, Thou, our Protector, and give us victory over the disbelieving folk. (Quran, al-Baqara, 2:286)
A few minutes ago, as of this start of this writing, I found out about the passing of a special person in the lives of many people. His name is Sohaib Sultan. He was the Muslim chaplain in Princeton University. Around this time last year, he was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive cholangiocarcinoma bile duct cancer. It is a rare gallbladder duct cancer where the duct is clogged. Eventually there will be liver failure and inevitable passing from bile unable to move from within the body.
Sohaib was a special person. He was not the tallest nor biggest person in the room. But when he did arrive, no one was bigger than him. I am almost six feet three inches, and I am nothing next to him. At the same time, he had that prophetic trait of making you feel the most special person in the world at that moment. It is hard to really put into words. It is something to experience. Imam Dawood Yasin taught me the concept of “experiential tawhid (divine Oneness)”, where a person experiences the Oneness of Allah through a manifestation of His creation. Sohaib in his growth was able to become an example of this. God, and the Quran by extension, was the center of his life. He showed the importance of being present and how to do it. If there is something I definitely learned from Sohaib, it is to take care of your heart. His heart showed through his smile that was full of light. It was one of the sincere smiles that people always talk about. In thinking about him while writing this, the only time I have not seen him smile is when he is thinking.
I am not too sure when I first met Sohaib. In 2011, I began to take my religion more seriously. I was exposed to a new world by way of a good friend, Ebad Rahman, that was full of people with shining hearts and warm smiles. It may have been at an event Ebad told me about where Sohaib first walked into my life. On and off for the next few years we would cross paths. He vaguely recognized my face but still treated me with the same love. Once in undergraduate school at Zaytuna College, I saw his wife walking around the building and could not believe it. Sohaib and Arshe were in Berkeley! He followed her into the classroom I was in, and we made eye contact. From that point forward, Sohaib knew me by my California nickname, “Omar B.”. I would eventually follow his footsteps and enroll in the Islamic Chaplaincy Program at Hartford Seminary. It was there I knew of the impact Sohaib had on people he was around. He was an open person, sharing his own growth and challenges as a chaplain. Our journeys overlap some. The chaplain role was something that grew on us. He, like other early graduates of the program, were role models for us. Here was young man who in our eyes had things somewhat figured out. I knew that I would be okay.
In January 2017, my family and I took a trip to Washington DC to the Arthur M. Sackler Gallery. There was a new Quran exhibit that opened, and the news reached home, in northern New Jersey. Along with my family was a family whom we were close with took that took the trip south. When we entered the gallery, we all split up and went our own way. Heading down the stairs, I saw a familiar face heading up. “Sohaib!” He looked up and gave me his classic big smile. I had always seen him as a great community leader who did not have to remember who I was. Much to my surprise, he was elated to see me. I introduced him to my friend whom I was with and we exchanged numbers. I was on top of the world. Somewhat regretfully, I did not keep in close contact as I maybe should have. A few months later, there was an event in Princeton University with guest Brother Ali. After the event, I made sure to see Sohaib. He told me, “You owe me a khutbah.”, like I promised him one a long time ago. I laughed. Of course, I obliged. I drove down with my father during Thanksgiving break and happily fulfilled his request. Like the person he is, Sohaib treated my father and I to a nice lunch at a local restaurant. I am honored that his was the first khutbah request I obliged that was out of my usual space.
I would only cross paths with him once after that. Close to graduation from the Islamic Chaplaincy Program, we communicated a bunch over emails. He helped and advised me on getting a job as a chaplain in academia. His prayers and advice helped me navigate through uncertain times. Over the hours of writing this reflection, I now sit in my car at the cemetery a few dozen feet from where he will be buried. My heart is swelling and sore. I want to cry because he is no longer here. But I am somewhat at peace because of how he shared his final year. For those who would like to see that journey, Sohaib created a Medium account named Seeking Ilham (inspiration). Match his name, Sohaib Sultan. At the same time, I am highly upset with myself. I have become disappointed with myself. I used to be consistent with keeping in touch with people but eventually lost the emotional fuel to continue. I sought advice from my wife, who is also a chaplain and she told me to just do. Thinking about that conversation with her, I feel that the emotional fuel was just that, emotion. Get in touch with family and friends. Please before it is too late. Sohaib lived with love. He interacted with love. Arshe shared on social media that he loved the Quran. I think that is where he got the fuel until his last moments. The love he had was something rooted in the Divine. I hope to follow suit and do like him. I quote one of my professors, Dr. Abdullah Ali, when speaking about Sohaib: “Meet you on the other side, Brother. Go back home to God.”
I end with a quote from Sohaib himself. It was in his first post when he shared the news of his diagnosis with the world.
My Lord has been extremely kind and faith to me in life. God gave me everything and everyone in these 40 years of life. I have no complaints. If my return to God is near, I must say that God gave me every opportunity to be a Saint. I return, though, a sinner because of my own weakness and lack of resolve. I pray that this cancer is a purification of those sins, a means of elevation in my nearness to God, and a way of growing in the virtues most loved by God and exemplified by our beloved Prophet ﷺ, ameen. (Sultan, Letter to the Community)
I think you got it Sohaib. That dua I hope has been answered. In your life and death, your impact will last. Imam Zaid Shakir speaks about receiving the baton from the runner behind us. I think I am ready for that. Your presence with Allah and by extension your presence with someone like me has inspired me. You speak of seeking ilham. I found it from you Sohaib. And it all started with that smile.
LETTER TO THE COMMUNITY. [online] Medium. Available at: https://medium.com/@seekingilham/letter-to-the-community-32ede9fe15bf [Accessed 18 April 2021].